glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
