You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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