If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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