Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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