As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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