HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
