he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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