a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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