I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
