Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
