today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
