Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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