yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
