So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
