He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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