the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
