Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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