is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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