I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
