is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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