you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
