after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
