wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
