Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
