Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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