is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
