I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
