I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
