His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
