She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
