im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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