spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
