If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
