FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
