If i come over, it means nothing
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
