Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
