i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
