It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
