I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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