I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
