I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
