I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We got so high we made milksteak
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
