Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
