even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
