Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
