i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
