It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sober January is a disaster.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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