I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize