dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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