if you like me you must not know who I am
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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