I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
