You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
