you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize