Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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