After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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