oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
