People in love make me want to vomit
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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