Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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