What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
