But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
