EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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