i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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