Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
