in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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