Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
