Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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