Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize