im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
