I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
