Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
zippers are such a cool invention
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
