I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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